Serving Up Trouble

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VAL-A Golem

Serving Up Trouble

1325 AE
Personal story
Interested Parties
Snaff Memorial Lab
(Rata Sum)
Desider Atum
(Metrica Province)
Asura tango icon 20px.png Asura
VAL-A Golem
Preceded by
Biography Statics.png Gadd's Last Gizmo
Biography Dynamics.png Defusing the Problem
Biography Dynamics.png The Things We Do For Love
Biography Synergetics.png Here, There, Everywhere
Followed by
Biography VAL-A Golem.png Short Fuse
Serving Up Trouble is part of the personal story of asura characters whose first invention was the VAL-A Golem.


Meet Zojja at the Snaff Memorial Laboratory in Rata Sum.

Locate the haywire VAL-A golem in Desider Atum.

  • Locate the VAL-A golem.
  • Defeat the rampaging VAL-A golem.
  • Inspect the defeated VAL-A golem.
  • Confer with Zojja.


Click here to edit the reward data

All professions


Speak with Zojja in the Snaff Memorial Lab. Then go to the southern end of the bridge at Desider Atum and locate the VAL-A golem inside the building. Attack the VAL-A Golem while it runs amok. After you defeat it, check the heap of metal. Exiting the dialogue triggers the cinematic with Zojja and completes the mission.



First instance
Second instance






Urgent: Problem With Your Golem Design:


There's been an incident that you need to address. A butler golem you designed has gone haywire and I need to talk to you about it. The Snaff Prize carries a certain amount of prestige, but there's also responsibility that goes with the title. Come see me right away so we can fix this.


Snaff Memorial Lab[edit]

Approaching Zojja:

Zojja: Hey, Savant! Hurry and get over here, it's important.

Cinematic with Zojja:

Zojja: Thanks for coming by. Quick question for you: your first invention was a service golem, correct?
<Character name>: Now that takes me back. My blueprints for the VAL-A got me accepted to all three colleges, and then I was able to pick at my leisure.
<Character name>: Designed to handle menial daily, dressing, dining, etc., so the owner could focus on intellectual endeavors.
Zojja: Well, unless murder is a "menial daily task," something's gone wrong. Your VAL-A golem went berserk and killed the people it was supposed to be serving.
Zojja: This is intolerable! You're the Snaff Prize Savant...Snaff, the master golemancer! Your failure dishonors his memory, and I can't have that.
<Character name>: My golem wouldn't kill people. It couldn't! I made sure to—
Zojja: It could, and it has. If you want to live up to your title, Savant, you'd better head over to Desider Atum and sort this out. Fast.

Speaking with Zojja:

Zojja: All right, Savant. Go and check out that rampaging golem!
Talk more option tango.png
Can you tell me more about what happened out there?
A prototype of your VAL-A golem went crazy. If you don't find out what happened, it'll tarnish your legacy—and the title of Snaff Prize Savant.
Talk end option tango.png
Right. I'm on it!
Talk more option tango.png
I was kind of hoping we could chat a bit...
I'm trying very hard to not throw things, <Character name>! Get out and get going!
Talk end option tango.png
All righty!
Talk end option tango.png
Off I go!

At Desider Atum[edit]

Before attacking the VAL-A Golem:

Trader: Look out!
Trader: Tactical retreat!
Technician: Over there! Hurry!
Trader: Retreat would be a good strategy right now.

Speaking with any of the cowering asura:

Citizen / Lab Apprentice / Researcher / Peacemaker Officer: Please, do something before that crazy butler golem kills us all!
Talk end option tango.png
Stay back! I'll handle this.

During the battle with the VAL-A Golem:

VAL-A Golem: Good-day. Allow—me—to—handle—all—your—household—needs.
VAL-A Golem: Let—me—take—your—head—brzzt—hat.
VAL-A Golem: Analyzing—room.
VAL-A Golem: Shall—I—pop—the—cork?
VAL-A Golem: Dust—located.
VAL-A Golem: Polishing—the—liver—brzzt—silver!
VAL-A Golem: Dusting—sequence—complete.
VAL-A Golem: Dice, mince, puree!
VAL-A Golem: Dinner—is—served.

Speaking with any of the cowering asura after defeating the golem:

Citizen / Lab Apprentice / Researcher / Peacemaker Officer: Is it...deactivated?
Talk end option tango.png
Yes. Don't worry, you'll feel better soon.

Inspecting the VAL-A Golem:

VAL-A Golem: This VAL-A golem is based on your design, but it's been radically altered.
Talk quest option tango.png
This version of my golem is psychopathic. Not good. (this triggers the cinematic for Confer with Zojja)
Talk more option tango.png
Investigate the golem to see what's been altered.
The control parameters are all wrong, and the logic arcanum is twisted beyond recognition.
Talk more option tango.png
Anything else?
Yes. Instead of warm lager and fine wine, the VAL-A now serves only cold beer.
Talk back option tango.png
I'd better do something about this!
Talk end option tango.png
What? No! (this triggers a cinematic)

Cinematic with Zojja:

Zojja: Making progress, I see. Good. Listen, I've been thinking about what I said, and I...I came to apologize.
Zojja: When your golem ran wild, all I could think of was Snaff's legacy. I shouldn't have taken it out on you.
Zojja: You're a lot like him, actually: smart, capable, enthusiastic. Besides, it was your first golem. You were young, untested, and—
<Character name>: And someone monkeyed with my designs. The golem I just trashed was so heavily modified, it's barely recognizable as my work.
<Character name>: Misaligned aether couplings, altered control parameters...somebody took my idea and ran with it, right into a brick wall.
Zojja: If we can prove that, you'll be off the hook...and so will Snaff. All we need is a copy of your original designs from the archives.
<Character name>: Then that's where I'm heading. I appreciate the apology, but you're right: this makes us all look bad. I'm going to find out who's responsible.

After the cinematic:

Zojja: Commence operations.

Speaking with allies:

Mr. Sparkles: Confirm: Abrogation—protocols—engaged. Recommend: Savant—proceed—with—investigation.
Talk end option tango.png
Sounds like a plan.

Speaking with Zojja after the cinematic:

Zojja: Something's fishy. Golems don't just flip out for no reason. You're not
Nice of you to say, Zojja.
Get your head on straight, Savant, this isn't a sweetheart's party. The peacemakers are going to be furious about this mess.
Talk more option tango.png
You're right. Can I ask you something? (same as "Can I ask you something?")
Talk end option tango.png
So they are. We should go.
Whoever did this is going to meet the short end of a dolyak prod when I catch 'em.
Keep that anger ready. I have a feeling you're going to need it.
Talk more option tango.png
Let me ask you something else. (same as "Can I ask you something?")
Talk end option tango.png
I'll be ready.
I'm sorry about all this. I won't let it dishonor the Snaff Prize.
You know the funny thing? I think he would have found this fascinating. He'd be worried, sure... but also intrigued.
Talk more option tango.png
Let me ask you something. (same as "Can I ask you something?")
Talk end option tango.png
He must have been an amazing mentor.
Talk more option tango.png
Can I ask you something?
Hurry up, <Character name>. What is it?
Talk more option tango.png
You mentioned that this model caused deaths elsewhere?
The first incident was at Mrot Boru. A few casualties. Peacemakers incinerated that golem before it could be examined.
Talk more option tango.png
Let me ask you something else. (same as "Can I ask you something?")
Talk end option tango.png
Ugh. Sounds like a mess. Thanks for telling me.
Talk more option tango.png
How do I find out who had access to my patent blueprints?
Go to Rata Sum's archives and meet Archivist Grep. He's fusty and musty, but he knows the archives like the back of his sonic parenthizer.
Talk more option tango.png
Let me ask you something else. (same as "Can I ask you something?")
Talk end option tango.png
I'm on it.
Talk more option tango.png
Why would someone do this? A lot of people got hurt!
Bah. Only because they weren't quick enough to get away. Toughen up, Savant. You're smart, and you survive...or not.
Talk more option tango.png
Let me ask you something else. (same as "Can I ask you something?")
Talk end option tango.png
Right. I'll keep that in mind.
Talk end option tango.png
Actually, never mind. Let's get started.
Talk end option tango.png
We'll find the answer. I know it.

My story[edit]

Serving Up Trouble.jpg

Wow, was Zojja angry! That killer VAL-A golem can't have been my fault. I'd better head to Desider Atum and find out the truth of the matter.

Someone tampered with my VAL-A schematics, and built a murder-golem! Who would've done such a thing? I'd better find out, and quickly.

My story