Clown College

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Missed Opportunity

Clown College

Year
1325 AE
Storyline
Personal story
Chapter
Shadows of the Past
Location
Shire of Beetletun
(Queensdale)
Level
20
Race
Human tango icon 20px.png Human
Choice
Missed Opportunity
Preceded by
Biography Missed Opportunity.png The Floating Grizwhirl
Followed by
Biography Missed Opportunity.png Into the Woods
Biography Missed Opportunity.png The Artist's Workshop
Clown College is part of the personal story of human characters who chose the Missed Opportunity background. Logan Thackeray wants you to find out more about the strange goings-on at the circus by becoming one of the carnies. Go to the carnival training ground in the Shire of Beetletun and show off your skills to convince them to let you join the team.

Objectives[edit]

Get close to the Carnies to learn more about the missing boy.

  • Travel to the carnival training grounds in Beetletun.
  • Beat the clown in a carnival challenge.
  • Beat the tamer in a carnival challenge.
  • Beat the mime in a carnival challenge.
  • Investigate the warehouse.
  • Defeat the carnies.
  • Follow the children outside.
  • Talk to Logan.

Rewards[edit]

Click here to edit the reward data

All professions
Profession-specific

Walkthrough[edit]

The Mime

Your weapon set is temporarily replaced with 5 emotes. Simply repeat what the mime does (his ordering is random).

The Clown

Choose from a list of phrases to make a joke about a norn, a human, and an asura who enter a bar. This succeeds no matter what you choose.

The Tamer

Be prepared to defend yourself from two Stalkers who will attack you.

The Warehouse

After you succeed at the three challenges, they will tell you that you are a carnie now, so you have free run of the place, just don't go in the warehouse, because the Ringmaster wouldn't like that. So of course, you should go into the warehouse. Inside are some hypnotised children. Then some angry carnies run in and attack you, so beat them up. Once you beat all the carnies, the children run outside, and you are supposed to follow them. Talk to Logan, then choose your next mission: Into the Woods or The Artist's Workshop.

NPCs[edit]

Allies[edit]

Foes[edit]

Dialogue[edit]

Cinematic upon entering the carnival area:

Tamer: Better be careful around here, stranger. Lots of ways for a snooper to get hurt. Accidentally, I mean. What do you want?
<Character name>: I want to join the carnival. Can you give me my big break? I just need the opportunity to show off my talents.
Clown: What have we here? Ladies and gentlemen, it's audition time! Winners get applause. Losers get rotten fruit. Either way, it'll be a show worth watching.
Mime: How fun. This darling optimist is being granted a grand solipsism! Let's see those exhibition skills.
<Character name>: Wait...the mime talks?
Clown: Of course. He's a mime, not a mute. Step right up. All you have to do is pass the Magic Trine: three circus challenges.
Tamer: The mime, the clown, and I will test your talent. Once we see what you can do, we'll know what to do with you. Let the show begin!

The Mime's test:

Mime: If you want to join the carnival, you'll need to defeat me in the age-old tradition of the mime battle.
Talk quest option tango.png
I'm ready.
Talk more option tango.png
Mime battle?
I perform certain actions, you mimic them exactly. But know this: my silent portrayals of life's subtle intricacies are unparalleled. I can make you laugh or move you to tears without saying a word.
Talk quest option tango.png
All right, then. I'm ready. Let's mime!
Talk more option tango.png
You talk a lot for a mime.
Many only get to see me in silence, never knowing, always wondering - what must his voice be like? What would he say? Conversing with me is a rare privilege. Please, show a little reverence.
Talk quest option tango.png
I'm plenty reverent. Now let's mime!
Talk end option tango.png
I think I need to stretch. I'll come back later.

When losing to the Mime:

Mime: I'm not laughing. I'm not. You're so tense, you twang when you move. Wanna try again?

After besting the Mime:

Mime: Your body ripples like a river over solid rock. Your wits could upstage a mesmer. I'm speechless.

Talking to the Mime after the test:

Mime: Well done. I'm a man of few words but I must say you've performed exceptionally well. Professional quality miming, believe you me. I could go on and on about the splendor of your silent spectacle.
Charisma
Why don't you tell me about the ringmaster instead?
He's more tight-lipped than I am. To tell the truth, I don't think he's even Krytan. But the less said about that the better.
Talk end option tango.png
I'll take your word for it.
Talk end option tango.png
Please don't. I'm grateful for the praise, but some things are better left unsaid.

The Clown's test:

Clown: Hey hey! Looks like we have another new student for the College of Laughtacular Hilarity, where we professional clowns teach you local clowns to be real clowns.
Talk quest option tango.png
I'm game. What do I have to do?
A clown has two key functions: to make people laugh and to star in their nightmares. We'll start with the laughs. Prove you've got what it takes. Tell me your best joke.
Talk quest option tango.png
A norn, a charr, and an asura walk into a tavern...
Keep going, slappy. I can't evaluate a set-up without a punch line.
Talk more option tango.png
...and the norn says to the the charr...
Now bring it home!
Talk more option tango.png
...I'm asura that little fella is going to drink us under the table!
Ouch. Wooden delivery, weak set-up, terrible punch line. In fact, that's so bad, it's good. I'm laughing at your sheer awfulness, but I am laughing. You pass!
Talk quest option tango.png
Thanks. But for the record, just because you didn't get it doesn't mean it's not funny.
Talk more option tango.png
...maybe it's just the ale talking, but you get me all CHARRGED up!
Ooh! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a groaner. Open a window, it stinks of stale joke in here! Still, some folks like that sort of thing, and since we always give the people what they want - you pass!
Talk quest option tango.png
Thanks. As my Uncle Mortimer always said, there's no play like word play.
Talk more option tango.png
...I'm in the mood for singing, dancing and fighting. Let's start a warband!
Ha! Now THAT'S a good joke! Are you sure you're just an amateur? You sound like you've been wearing the baggy pants and floppy shoes for years. Needless to say, you pass!
Talk quest option tango.png
Thank you, thank you. No applause, just throw gold.
Talk more option tango.png
...and the charr says to the asura...
Now bring it home!
Talk more option tango.png
...I could eat you, but that's just an unfair cultural stereotype against my people.
Ouch. Wooden delivery, weak set-up, terrible punch line. In fact, that's so bad, it's good. I'm laughing at your sheer awfulness, but I am laughing. You pass!
Talk quest option tango.png
Thanks. But for the record, just because you didn't get it doesn't mean it's not funny.
Talk more option tango.png
...you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish.
Ooh! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a groaner. Open a window, it stinks of stale joke in here! Still, some folks like that sort of thing, and since we always give the people what they want - you pass!
Talk quest option tango.png
Thanks. As my Uncle Mortimer always said, there's no play like word play.
Talk more option tango.png
...how can an asura call himself a genius when he has a name like Pook?
Ha! Now THAT'S a good joke! Are you sure you're just an amateur? You sound like you've been wearing the baggy pants and floppy shoes for years. Needless to say, you pass!
Talk quest option tango.png
Thank you, thank you. No applause, just throw gold.
Talk more option tango.png
...and the asura says to the innkeeper...
Now bring it home!
Talk more option tango.png
...if I had a trans-resonance flux modifier right now, your face would be prettier.
Ouch. Wooden delivery, weak set-up, terrible punch line. In fact, that's so bad, it's good. I'm laughing at your sheer awfulness, but I am laughing. You pass!
Talk quest option tango.png
Thanks. But for the record, just because you didn't get it doesn't mean it's not funny.
Talk more option tango.png
...excuse our rough humor. My companions and I are a little krewed.
Ooh! Ladies and gentlemen, we have a groaner. Open a window, it stinks of stale joke in here! Still, some folks like that sort of thing, and since we always give the people what they want - you pass!
Talk quest option tango.png
Thanks. As my Uncle Mortimer always said, there's no play like word play.
Talk more option tango.png
...hey buddy, can you put this on my tab? I'm a little short.
Ha! Now THAT'S a good joke! Are you sure you're just an amateur? You sound like you've been wearing the baggy pants and floppy shoes for years. Needless to say, you pass!
Talk quest option tango.png
Thank you, thank you. No applause, just throw gold.
Talk end option tango.png
I'm not feeling it. You can't force the funny, so I'll come back later.

After besting the Clown:

Clown: Ha! Good one. There's funny, and there's clown funny. You qualify.

Talking to the Clown after the test:

Clown: Keep writing those jokes, kid. Some day you'll be playing at the palace.
Charisma
Is that how you got your start in the big leagues?
Nah. My uncle's in the ministry. I guess you could say entertainment is a family tradition.
Talk end option tango.png
Nice one!
Talk end option tango.png
Now THAT would be funny. See you around, clown.

The Tamer's test:

Tamer: Working at the carnival isn't all silly jokes and games. Some of us deal with real danger. Ever dealt with wild animals? Come, show me how you handle these vicious beasts.
Talk quest option tango.png
I'm ready. I won't even break a sweat.
Talk end option tango.png
Give me a moment to prepare.

After besting the Tamer:

Tamer: Panache! I am mightily impressed.

Talking to the Tamer after the test:

Tamer: I'm impressed. For a moment there I thought the beasts would tame you, but you proved me wrong. Nice moves.
Charisma
Trust your instincts. They can tell you a lot about people.
Well put, friend. I think the animals would agree with you.
Talk end option tango.png
See you later.
Ferocity
I learned everything I know in the dangerous wilds of Shaemore!
Hah! Good one.
Talk end option tango.png
See you later.
Talk more option tango.png
Thanks. For a minute there I thought the same thing.
Really? I never would have guessed. You looked like you had it all under control.
Talk end option tango.png
Glad to hear it.
Talk end option tango.png
I do my best.

Cinematic upon passing the three tests:

Mime: You stand at the precipice of stardom. Your talent will astound audiences. Millions will lavish you with adulation.
Clown: He speaks truth. You passed all three tests with flying colors. You'll be amazing, and you even look great in tight pants.
Tamer: Just wait until the Ringmaster gets a load of you. He's always looking for fresh talent.
<Character name>: The Ringmaster? Is he the boss? When do I get to meet him?
Mime: Patience, earnest neophyte. The ringmaster returns this evening with toys from Uzolan's workshop—including a fresh batch of grizwhirls.
Clown: Relax. You're one of us now, so you have free run of the place. Just stay out of the warehouse. The Ringmaster doesn't like anyone going in there without permission.

Entering the warehouse:

Hypnotized Carnival Performer: You've overstayed your welcome, rube!

Defeating the Carnival Performers:

Carnival Performer (male): Oh, my head. What just happened?
Carnival Performer (female): Gods, my head is killing me.
Child: Ohhh...where am I?
Garand: My head feels funny, and I don't like it here. I want to go home.

Talking to Carnival Performers:

Carnival Performer: What happened? The last thing I remember is being at the carnival. The ringmaster was on stage... How did I get here?
Talk end option tango.png
You were under a spell, but it's all right now.

Cinematic with Logan:

<Character name>: Logan! I found the boy. He's fine, physically, but something has affected his mind. It has something to do with a weird toy. The carnies know more than they're letting on.
Logan Thackeray: Hand it over, Garand. As for you, carny, tell me what's going on here, or you'll spend the rest of your life in a cell for kidnapping this boy.
Hypnotized Carnival Performer: When you put it like that...we needed kids to test Uzolan's grizwhirls. And, uh, if you want to find the Ringmaster, there's a meeting tonight for new recruits. That's all I know.
Logan Thackeray: It's a start. Stick around, you clown. I mean...yeah.

Conversation with Logan:

Logan Thackeray: Do you want to go to Uzolan's workshop, or do you want to infiltrate the ringmaster's meeting? We don't have time to do both.
Talk more option tango.png
Tell me more about Uzolan and his workshop. What would I be walking into?
Uzolan's a famous inventor. He made the one-man-band back in Divinity's Reach. It's considered a mechanical marvel. We'll likely find some very odd things in his shop.
Talk end option tango.png
Hmm. Let me think about it.
Talk more option tango.png
How would you want to infiltrate the ringmaster's gathering? Won't he recognize me?
Not unless he memorizes every face in every crowd. It's the more dangerous option, true, but also more likely to get us real information on his plan.
Talk end option tango.png
Hmm. Let me think about it.
Talk quest choice tango.png
This day can't get any crazier, so I might as well tackle the inventor in his toy shop.
Talk quest choice tango.png
I've been play-acting all day. Why stop now? I'll infiltrate the meeting.

Talking to NPCs after making your choice:

Logan Thackeray: Garand will be safe now. I'll escort him back to the city and make sure he's settled in. He'll have quite a story to tell.
Talk end option tango.png
Make sure he's well taken care of, all right? Thanks, Logan.
Garand: My head hurts. Where am I? Who are you?
Charisma
It's all right. My name is <Character Name> and I'm here with the Seraph. It's time for you to go home, okay?
Back to the city. I'd like that. I'm hungry and tired. I don't like the circus anymore.
Talk end option tango.png
Everything's going to be all right, don't you worry.
Ferocity
You're safe now. I'm <Character Name> and nobody's going to hurt you while I'm here. Promise.
Did Dwayna send you to help me? You're really nice.
Talk end option tango.png
No, I'm just someone trying to do what's right. Now let's get you home to the city.
Talk end option tango.png
Everything's going to be fine, Garand.

My story[edit]

Clown College.jpg

I convinced the carnival performers to trust me by besting them at their own games. Once they let me inside, I found Garand—and the dangerous toy they've created, the grizwhirl. It has the power to hypnotize subjects and make them do terrible things.

My story

Notes[edit]

  • The mime says "Your wits could upstage a mesmer" even if the player character is a mesmer.
  • Talking to the children after being rescued will make them circle around Logan.