Hello there! I make contribs every once in a while. Sometimes in frenzied bursts. You know how it is.
Contact me in-game via Alex.3907.
| A garishly-colored poster, slapped on a wall in Hoelbrak
Idris the Spelunker's got the skills YOU need! Call in today!
NEED SOMETHING RETRIEVED?
Idris is the name, and Spelunking is my game! By snow leopard, no cave is too cramped, no ruins too haunted, and no guards too surly for me! If you need anything retrieved, I can fetch it, guaranteed!* I've discovered artifacts for the Durmand Priory, helped a charr warband find their missing chugger, and even ventured into the Mists themselves! I will pull out all the stops to find what it is you need found, using only the very best tools for the job, no matter how tricky!
MAIL ME NOW TO ASK FOR A QUOTE!
Or find me at my workshop in Hoelbrak! Prices may vary depending on the complexity of the job, but they'll always mean GREAT SAVINGS FOR YOU!**
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!!
Call before my birthday on the 58th of Scion and I will give you a beautiful set of pelts or a delicious selection of homemade preserved meats from my latest hunt, ABSOLUTELY FREE!***
| * No guarantee. ** Damage dealt to my equipment in the process of retrieval will be factored into final cost. I will not be held responsible for any damage dealt to objects in the process of retrieval. No refunds. *** Free pelts and meats are not free.
| An Iron Legion document, stored in a filing cabinet in the Imperator's Core
Name(s): Whisky Rustsmear
Date of Birth: 03 Colossus, 1292
Sire: Argus Foolkiller
Training: Combat Medic, Metalworking, Field Repair
Current Duty: Accompaniment of Iron Legion assets during third-party assignments.
Requested reassignment, cited reason: "That oaf of a norn is virtually the only person who hires the 'mole these days, and Reeva and I have a hell of a job keeping it safe from her. I feel our talents could be put to better use elsewhere, if, say, the norn were to find herself banned from hiring tanks again."
| An issue of The Daily Pail, discarded on the streets of Divinity's Reach
DONNIE THORNSTON CAUGHT CAVORTING WITH THE OCCULT!
Donnie Thornston, seen here sporting last season's look.
Lady Thornston made a rare public appearance this week, during which she was observed in the company of "a hideous demon". Onlookers described the creature as "a disgusting skinless beast with a screech like fingernails on chalkboard". Others claim it was merely a dog. While the nobility are known for their fondness of unusual and overly-inbred pets, it should be noted that Lady Thornston is no stranger to controversy.
Few of us have forgotten the scandal of her babyhood, when it came to light that she is not a blood relative of her considerably paler-skinned parents. Lord Thornston claimed that she had been adopted, but became violent when Daily Pail reporters asked if the "adoption" had been a smokescreen for his wife's infidelity.
Today, her black market procurements of semi-legal alchemy ingredients have led some to speculate that Lady Thornston is involved in shady activities. Could the sighting of this "demon" be substantial proof? She is known to worship at temples of Kormir, but we are now left to wonder: is it truly Kormir she's praying to?
|Next article: You won't believe the one weird trick this mum uses to lose weight! Healers hate her!
| A multimedia file, saved somewhere within Rata Sum's digital archives
| — BEGIN PLAYBACK —
Image of Applicant #111, Eccru
Professor Blipp: Excelsior. Let's get started. Applicant number 111, if you will state your name and date of birth.
Applicant: My name is Eccru, sir, born on 49 Colossus 1287. And may I just say what an absolute honor it is—
Professor Blipp: Yes yes, save the posterior-licking until the interview has concluded. First question: What are your qualifications?
Applicant: Ah, yes, ahem. I received A's in Eternal Alchemy Studies, Biological Studies, Golemancy, Crystalline Geometrics, and, erm... *cough*... Woodshop. I was also awarded the Young Genius of the Year Prize of 1301 for my VAL-A Golem, which utilized a power core inspired by the structure of a drake's pyrogenesis gland to improve efficiency by 17%.
Professor Blipp: Second question: Why do you wish to study at the College of Synergetics? I see from your application that your parents come from a Statics background.
Applicant: I believe that this school is the superior choice for any serious student of Biomagics—and I'm confident that in time I will become a valuable alumni, both as a contributer of original research and as an inspiring figure for future progenies.
Professor Blipp: Final question: What interests you about Biomagics?
Applicant: I feel that this is an exciting time for Biomagical science; new species are being discovered at an increased rate, and I'm eager to be one of the forerunners in expanding our understanding of them, particularly the fascinating plantoid creatures recently discovered on the coast. It is my hope that I can observe one of the vivisection krewes as part of my first year project.
Professor Blipp: Thank you. We will be in touch.
|— END PLAYBACK —
| A dog-eared journal, hidden carefully in a leafy backpack
Season of the Zephyr, 1321AE
Kahedins recommended I write down my thoughts whenever I feel overwhelmed by them, so that's what I'm going to do. It's been almost three weeks since I awoke, but there's been no sign of Aislidh. All the other sylvari of my season have supposedly been born now, so where is he? I've been told that the people I met in my Dream were just symbols or memories and that I couldn't have shared my Dream with another sleeper, but... we promised to be together when we woke. Though I feel a call to seek out the other symbols from my Dream, I feel even more strongly that I can't abandon Aislidh.
Season of the Colossus, 1321AE
I've learned to knit! It's good to have something to do during quieter moments, and the saplings seem to like my blankets. Hopefully this will discourage the menders from asking me to consider taking up their profession again. I'm too embarrassed to admit I have a selfish motive for helping to greet the newly awakened.
Season of the Scion, 1324AE
An asura came to the Grove today. Said she was a biologist, that she specialized in biomagical research. She's looking to hire a sylvari assistant "naturally proficient in the manipulation of raw chaotic energy", and according to her bleeping thing, I'm perfect for the job. I've decided to accept. I am not going to find Aislidh by stagnating here; I must go where life goes. I will learn what I can about chaotic magic from this asura and anyone else who will teach me, and then I will use my skills to seek him out. He must be out there somewhere. I can feel it.
| An Inquest dossier, scattered on the floor of an abandoned lab
Subject SLV-1328-O ("Oraiste")
Colloq. Designation: "Oraiste"
Earliest Sighting: 26-C-1328
Description: Sylvari, believed to be nocturnal cycle. Subject is 1.57m in height and has carotenized flesh with medium-low visible spectrum bioluminesence. Subject exhibits proficiency in communion with the Mists, and displays an unusual depth of connection to the sylvari group consciousness. Subject is normally docile and spends most of its time in what appears to be meditation; however, it can become alarmingly violent when approached by personnel.
Relevance: The subject's metaphysical abilities are believed to be similar to [REDACTED] have enabled it to interfere with ██████ research involving subject SLV-1321-A. Other subjects from the ███████ ████ group are believed to be at risk. Request for acquisition of subject SLV-1328-O for ██████ research has been approved.
Known Affiliations: The Grove, Vigil.
| An intricately-folded letter, tied to the leg of a pigeon with a bullet in its throat
To be delivered to Scout Ekko.
It would seem that another year has passed since the day of our birth, and as such I suppose felicitations are in order. Assuming you haven't died since our last correspondence.
Now that pleasantries are out of the way: I am in need of your expertise. The Inquest are hiding valuable data from me, and I require you to use your connections to retrieve it. Do not insult my intelligence by insisting your loyalties lie exclusively with the College of Statics; I know a cover story when I hear one.
I know what you're thinking and yes, I have already requested assistance from Canni; yes, I did it disguised as you; and no, it didn't work. She has taken to using passwords. I even approached a bookah who claimed to be an expert in retrieval but the fool simply drove a tank into the wall and got herself arrested.
As to the matter of compensation: I may finally be willing to return your so-called "weather machine". Even I was starting to think I'd never have a sufficiently dire reason to part with such a valuable bargaining chip but, here we are. This data is utterly vital to my research. Find it for me, and you may just see your lockbox again.
The eternal struggle
When the preview looks perfect so you hit save (つ◕ヮ◕)つ * : ･ ﾟ
And spot a mistake half a second too late (ノಥДಥ)ノ︵ ┻━┻
But it's okay because you can fix it ┬─┬ ノ( º_ºノ)
And then it happens again ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)