Veteran Brigadier General Kernel

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Veteran Brigadier General Kernel is a strong Candy Corn Elemental found between the Mist portals in Fort Marriner.

Location[edit]

Kryta

Combat abilities[edit]

Abilities
  • Causes Bleeding
  • Launches
  • Sugary

Dialogue[edit]

Gwwlogo.png The Guild Wars Wiki has an article on Colonel Kernel.
Halloween is in the air, which means one thing: it's time for the annual trampling of Palawa Joko's pathetic rabble of an army.
(if Be My Guest achievement is completed and Rivalry of Kings is unfinished)
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About that: I have some good news for you...
Intel from the front lines? Well, speak up soldier! We've got an unending war to wage.
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The war's over. We won. Palawa Joko is dead.
Hah. That's a good try, recruit, but you're three hundred years too young to spook me! Joko's been dead for a long time—hasn't slowed him down one bit.
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I mean really dead. All dead. A dragon ate him. I was there.
I must have candy corn in my ears, soldier. What did you just say?
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Palawa Ignacious Joko is truly dead, once and for all.
*There is a long and uncomfortable silence*
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...That's good, right?
YOU DID WHAT?!...Of all my years in the candy corps, this day may live in infamy. We're all going to die, or worse.
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Listen, if this is about the dragon-magic thing, I have a plan to—
You're not looking at the big picture, private! Killing Joko without King Thorn's go-ahead is an operational disaster! The king will be mad with rage!
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Oh.
Well, he's mad all the time. But you eating his most hated foe...It'll be the Shell of Insanity for you. For all of us, however logistically impractical that may be.
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It wasn't me who—Listen, maybe we can play a trick of our own on Thorn.
You think you can outfox the Mad King? Well, it's all of our closed-casket funerals if you're wrong. What's your battle plan, lieutenant?
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Tell Thorn your forces fought Joko's army, and he'll think Joko's alive.
The king is mad, but he's no fool soldier. How do we report a battle that didn't happen?
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I'll gather some of Joko's treasures as prizes taken from the battlefield. (completes Rivalry of Kings)
Bring him the spoils of war...I like your gumption, soldier. We might make it out of this, for now. Move out, and report back when your mission's complete!
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Don't worry. I'll clean up this loose end before Halloween is over.
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On second thought, maybe I should keep this top secret.
(After Mad Maleficence is complete)
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I've got enough "spoils of war" here to keep the Mad King's attention.
Just what I'd expect from a mortal of your talents, "Captain" <Character Name>. I'll report these items as war trophies, and with luck that will keep King Thorn happy...until next year, at least.
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We've achieved peace in our time.
(If obtained Mad Memoires XVII: Rivalry)
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Thanks for your contribution to my historical documentation.
Remember, soldier, all that it takes for evil undead kings to win is for the other evil undead kings to do nothing.
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...Right.
(If working on Mad Memorial)
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Can you tell me about Mad King Thorn's rule over the Mad Realm?
(If didn't complete Ancient Grudge)
Are your ears full of candy corn, soldier? We can't debrief until Joko's minions are sent home crying, or whatever the embalmed equivalent of crying is.
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I'm eager for battle, but do I have to go all the way to the Crystal Desert?
You're in luck, soldier—scouts say someone kicked up a fuss in his kingdom and Joko's shipped some troops our way. Easy pickings—check areas near capital cities for portal attacks.
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I'm on my way!
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You had me at "trampling Joko's army."
(If completed Ancient Grudge)
I hear you helped us out in the field, soldier. Let's get you some intel. Joko's lackeys are always looking for a chance to take revenge, but we are eternally vigilant. Well, during Halloween, anyway.
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What does Palawa Joko have against Mad King Thorn?
Oh, something about an old insult, rival kings in life warring in undeath, or maybe the uncontested massacre of Joko's forces and his subsequent embarrassment at the Battle of Scarred Psyche. Haha!
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So they go way back.
Oh, yeah. But lately Joko's refused to commit the bulk of his armies to the battle. That rotting coward undoubtedly fears the stomping and barbed zingers that our king would hand him!
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Thanks. I'll make a record of your story. (receive Mad Memoires XVII: Rivalry)
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Or maybe he's just tired of you.
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That sounds vaguely familiar, yet absurd.
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I don't have time for this. Some of us have to deal with his empire daily.
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I don't even need a festival to support this.

Related achievements[edit]

Notes[edit]

  • Kernels' response to "I'm eager for battle, but do I have to go all the way to the Crystal Desert?" was changed in 2018 after the release of Awakened events in the core game. The original line was: "You're in luck, soldier—scouts say someone kicked up a fuss in his kingdom and Joko's shipped some troops our way. Easy pickings—check coastal areas northwest of the desert." This referenced a number of small pockets of three Awakened found on shorelines of maps such as Mount Maelstrom, Sparkfly Fen, Southsun Cove, and Bloodtide Coast which was added for Shadow of the Mad King 2017.