Veteran Brigadier General Kernel
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Veteran Brigadier General Kernel
Veteran Brigadier General Kernel is a strong Candy Corn Elemental found between the Mist portals by an anvil in Fort Marriner.
- Causes Bleeding
- Halloween is in the air, which means one thing: it's time for the annual trampling of Palawa Joko's pathetic rabble of an army.
- (if Be My Guest achievement is completed and Rivalry of Kings is unfinished)
About that: I have some good news for you...
- Intel from the front lines? Well, speak up soldier! We've got an unending war to wage.
The war's over. We won. Palawa Joko is dead.
- Hah. That's a good try, recruit, but you're three hundred years too young to spook me! Joko's been dead for a long time—hasn't slowed him down one bit.
- dragon ate him. I was there.
I mean really dead. All dead. A
- I must have candy corn in my ears, soldier. What did you just say?
Palawa Ignacious Joko is truly dead, once and for all.
- *There is a long and uncomfortable silence*
...That's good, right?
- YOU DID WHAT?!...Of all my years in the candy corps, this day may live in infamy. We're all going to die, or worse.
- dragon-magic thing, I have a plan to—
Listen, if this is about the
- You're not looking at the big picture, private! Killing Joko without King Thorn's go-ahead is an operational disaster! The king will be mad with rage!
- Well, he's mad all the time. But you eating his most hated foe...It'll be the Shell of Insanity for you. For all of us, however logistically impractical that may be.
It wasn't me who—Listen, maybe we can play a trick of our own on Thorn.
- You think you can outfox the Mad King? Well, it's all of our closed-casket funerals if you're wrong. What's your battle plan, lieutenant?
Tell Thorn your forces fought Joko's army, and he'll think Joko's alive.
- The king is mad, but he's no fool soldier. How do we report a battle that didn't happen?
I'll gather some of Joko's treasures as prizes taken from the battlefield. (completes Rivalry of Kings)
- Bring him the spoils of war...I like your gumption, soldier. We might make it out of this, for now. Move out, and report back when your mission's complete!
- Don't worry. I'll clean up this loose end before Halloween is over.
- On second thought, maybe I should keep this top secret.
- (After Mad Maleficence is complete)
I've got enough "spoils of war" here to keep the Mad King's attention.
- Just what I'd expect from a mortal of your talents, "Captain" <Character name>. I'll report these items as war trophies, and with luck that will keep King Thorn happy...until next year, at least.
- We've achieved peace in our time.
- (During Shadow of the Mad King 2021, before entering the labyrinth and reaching step 3 in Court Duty: The King's Guest)
Any news from the front lines, General?
- So you haven't been to the Labyrinth yet...*cough* I mean, no news is good news. Enjoy the R&R. Calmly.
- ...What's this about. I'd better pay the Mad Realm a visit."
- (In 2021 after entering the Mad King's Labyrinth)
Want to tell me how you got your candy claws on Joko?
- Veteran Brigadier General Kernel: Oh, you noticed.
- Veteran Brigadier General Kernel: It's a dull story, and a pretty...long one. I'll spare you a meandering, largely uneventful field report.
- Veteran Brigadier General Kernel: In short, Thorn needed a boost. Hasn't been handling his alone time very well. We had to take...extreme measures.
- Veteran Brigadier General Kernel: But rest assured, you have nothing to fear. Joko's soul is at no risk of escaping—we made sure of that.
- (after completing step 3 of Court Duty: The King's Guest/getting the above dialogue)
No, really, tell me why Palawa Joko is in the Mad Realm.
- That's classified at the Seven-Layer Jorbreaker level. Even I don't have access to all the details of the mission.
So there was a mission? What exactly did the Lunatic Court do this time?
- As you may be aware, we had been concealing the untimely ingestion of Palawa Joko from King Thorn... Falsified battle reports, the works.
I take it something went drastically wrong.
- No plan survives the battlefield, soldier. At some untimely moment the king's suspicion was piqued, and the Lunatic Court assembled an emergency task force.
What did they do?
- That's all the intel I can give you, Captain. This is above my rank. If you want to take the risk, you'll have to go to the source...the task force themselves.
Then tell me about them.
- Countess Zohrell, Courtier Xikka, Duke Wodalr, the huntsman Ysdon, and Harrower Veltan. They'll be bivouacking in Lion's Arch and the Mad Realm.
- Thank you for your help, General. I'm sure I can find these Lunatics...
- Good enough.
- (If obtained Mad Memoires XVII: Rivalry)
- Thanks for your contribution to my historical documentation.
- Remember, soldier, all that it takes for evil undead kings to win is for the other evil undead kings to do nothing.
- (If working on Mad Memorial)
- Mad Realm?
Can you tell me about Mad King Thorn's rule over the
- (If didn't complete Ancient Grudge)
- Are your ears full of candy corn, soldier? We can't debrief until Joko's minions are sent home crying, or whatever the embalmed equivalent of crying is.
- Crystal Desert?
I'm eager for battle, but do I have to go all the way to the
- You're in luck, soldier—scouts say someone kicked up a fuss in his kingdom and Joko's shipped some troops our way. Easy pickings—check areas near capital cities for portal attacks.
- I'm on my way!
- You had me at "trampling Joko's army."
- (If completed Ancient Grudge)
- I hear you helped us out in the field, soldier. Let's get you some intel. Joko's lackeys are always looking for a chance to take revenge, but we are eternally vigilant. Well, during Halloween, anyway.
What does Palawa Joko have against Mad King Thorn?
- Oh, something about an old insult, rival kings in life warring in undeath, or maybe the uncontested massacre of Joko's forces and his subsequent embarrassment at the Battle of Scarred Psyche. Haha!
So they go way back.
- Oh, yeah. But lately Joko's refused to commit the bulk of his armies to the battle. That rotting coward undoubtedly fears the stomping and barbed zingers that our king would hand him!
- Mad Memoires XVII: Rivalry) Thanks. I'll make a record of your story. (receive
- Or maybe he's just tired of you.
- That sounds vaguely familiar, yet absurd.
- I don't have time for this. Some of us have to deal with his empire daily.
- I don't even need a festival to support this.
- Status Report.
- At ease.
When the 5 Bite-Sized Candy Corn Elementals are in front of him:
- Operation candy Corn Tango is a go. I repeat, Candy Corn Tango is a go!
- Clean yourself up, Private. You look like a candy apple melted on the shore of Ember Bay.
- Just like our training: you get in there, get the candy, and run like the Mad King himself is on your heels with a fork.
- Get Ready to sound off!
- Hopefully they'll keep each other busy for another millennium.
- Gaining victory after a difficult battle is sweet, but candy is even sweeter.
- Shadow of the Mad King: Close the Floodgates of Death — Debrief Brigadier General Kernel on your accomplishments. (5)
- Shadow of the Mad King: Mad Memorial — Track down firsthand accounts of Mad King Thorn's afterlife during Halloween, when the Mad Realm draws near. (20)
- Shadow of the Mad King: Rivalry of Kings — Report to Brigadier General Kernel on the latest developments in the eternal battle between Mad King Thorn and Palawa Joko. (5 )
|The Guild Wars Wiki has an article on Colonel Kernel.|
- Kernel's response to "I'm eager for battle, but do I have to go all the way to the Crystal Desert?" was changed in 2018 after the release of Awakened events in the core game. The original line was: "You're in luck, soldier—scouts say someone kicked up a fuss in his kingdom and Joko's shipped some troops our way. Easy pickings—check coastal areas northwest of the desert." This referenced a number of small pockets of three Awakened found on shorelines of maps such as Mount Maelstrom, Sparkfly Fen, Southsun Cove, and Bloodtide Coast which was added for Shadow of the Mad King 2017.