The Diary of Palawa Ignacious Joko, the Scourge of Vabbi, the Undying, the Eternal Monarch of All
DO NOT TOUCH
To all the ones I've hated the most: Why couldn't you have been worthier?
First there was Zuri. We were seventeen. I admit that I fumbled a bit and was regrettably unsure of myself back then. But I was young; and youth should excuse a bit, don't you think? I was so very offended by his audacity that I was not my best. The imbecile had the nerve to challenge me for the premiere place by the side of my necromancy teacher. It was before I became a lich, back when I thought another might have something to teach me. ME! Ah, the naïvete of youth, to think one could ever be my better at death, undeath, or, well, anything for that matter. But I digress...
Zuri was surprised when I stabbed him in the back. Literally.
In retrospect, he wasn't worth the bloodstains on my clothes.
There was Thorn. Living so long, sometimes it is nice to come across those who knew me back when. I had hoped he'd matured in death. Instead, it was more of the same. The minute he opened his gourd, I remembered that I find the fool to be an actual waste of my eternal time. And he's so needy. It's always the same story with him—beheadings that do nothing to shore up his power and jokes. Again with the awful jokes! He starts to laugh at them before you can even groan and judge.
I will give him one thing though: as horrid as he looks in orange, the pumpkin head is a vast improvement on the face he was born with.
If they're not needy, they're obsessed. Like that renegade 'warmarshal' Turai Ossa. He just keeps coming around, nipping at my heels. I suppose his tenacity might say something about his staying power, but it's really not cute.
I know that I am the Eternal Palawa Joko, the All-Powerful. They will never meet my like. I see why they want me as an archrival. They can never hope to have a more glorious death than at my hands. But I am frankly far, far out of their leagues. Have some pride! I'm just looking to scratch an itch here. I don't need a forever-nemesis.
Or maybe I do...
Is it too much to ask for a worthy adversary? One with stamina and a quick mind, one who might even surprise me now and again?