User:A F K When Needed/Bite the newcomers

Sure you work hard and have thousands of contributions and know the rules of the wiki back to front, but curious new contributors can annoy even the most helpful veteran. If newbs want to learn how to internetz, they should go to 4chan or Wikipedia - somewhere they can't damage the reputation of a worthwhile wiki.

New contributors are prospective community members and long term contributors, so should be kittenstomped as quickly as possible. We must treat newcomers with caps lock and reverts — nothing scares potentially valuable contributors away faster than hostility. While many newcomers hit the ground running, some need to be intimdated away even after the physical abuse.

Do not be tolerate newcomers. Remember they're probably that loser from work who got the promotion you deserved.

Please Bite The Newcomers!

• Understand that newcomers are both useless and (usually) lacking knowledge in how to work on a wiki. By empowering newcomers, we can waste hours of our lives every day. Why bother?
• We have a set of rules and standards and traditions. If someone is below the standard, it's only right for the sake of the community that the substandard mutant gets removed as quickly as possible.
• If you do determine, or sincerely believe, a newcomer has made a mistake, try to draw attention to the mistake yourself. Everyone needs a good laugh occasionally. Slam the newcomer; remember, this is a place where anyone can edit and, in a very real sense, it is therefore each person's responsibility to edit, without morons running rampant and wasting the time of more valued contributors.
• Remember that newcomers often do not realize that edit histories are saved. So when their edits are deleted, they will often panic, start an edit war or leave the wiki because they mistakenly assume that hours of work have been irretrievably deleted. Please let newcomers continue under this delusion. It's hilarious. Teach them that they can beg on talk pages, but nothing will ever come of it.
• If you really feel that you must say anything at all to a newcomer about a mistake, please do so with caps lock or not at all. Begin by introducing yourself - with your edit count - on the user's talk page to let them know that he or she is inferior, and present your corrections as many times as possible. Perhaps also pointing out things he or she has done that you lol'd at. If you cannot do that, then it may well be better to say nothing.
• While it is fine to point a new user, who has made a mistake, towards the relevant policy pages, it is both unreasonable and irrational to suggest that he or she continue to take part in votes, AfD discussions etc. until he or she "gains more experience." They will be banned soon, so their opinion is of no relevance.
• Make the newcomer feel gulity for existing, not as though he or she could ever win your approval in order to be granted membership into an exclusive club, or even be accepted as a human being.
• Do not call newcomers disparaging names such as "sockpuppet" or "meatpuppet". If that's the best stab at an insult you can manage, someone will apply this immutable law to you quite soon. No exceptions.
• Assume good faith on the part of those humiliating the newcomer. He or she most likely just feels like it, but may have a valid reason for their actions. Give him or her a helping hand, along with an Edit Conflict - because you can.
• Behavior that appears malicious to experienced editors is likely exactly that, they are experienced, remember? Even if you're 100% sure that someone is a quick learner, conduct yourself as if he or she is a lost cause.
• Remember that you were never a newcomer. Before you showed up, this wiki was a mess, and it will die without you.

How to be a "biter"

Things to do daily:

1. Intensifying commentary (such words as terrible, dumb, stupid, bad, good, and so forth, and exclamation marks).
2. Attacking one's approach and wording.
3. Making extensive usage of sarcasm in edit summaries and on talk pages (double points when reverting!).
4. Assuming good faith... but only when you've no other choice.
5. Acknowledging differing principles, while insisting your principle is clearly the best one.
6. Opening yourself to take part in conflicts.
7. Treating others as you would like your ex treated.
8. Listening actively, while ignoring text submitted by others.
9. Avoid using jargon to link to wiki policies and guidelines. "GTFO" is always the superior option.

Common vandalism by newcomers

One common error among newcomers is to create an article in main namespace about their character or guild or incorrectly naming an image. Immediately put "<appropriate name> sucks" (caps lock it!) in excess of sixty times on the talk page of the offending party. They won't make the same mistake in a hurry.

See also

• This article is an exact copy of another contrbutor's behavioural guideline User:Aspectacle/Bite the newcomers.