Mad King Thorn/dialogue

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Historical dialogue for Mad King Thorn can be found here.

Dialogue[edit]

In Lion's Arch[edit]

During 2012-2014

After Mad King Says... event, Thorn walked around the Grand Piazza and the Trader's Forum telling the following jokes in a random order:

Mad King Thorn: Here's a funny story. Recently, one of my vassals said to me, "Your Majesty! I can't feel my legs!" And I replied, "Of course, you can't, stubby. I cut your arms off!" And I had! (laugh)
Mad King Thorn: What's a norn's favorite drink? The next one! (laugh) They're all drunk.
Mad King Thorn: It seems the sylvari are here to stay. As no one has nipped them in the BUD, I must assume they're all of good STALK. Maybe they'll GROW on me. (laugh) Plant puns, people, please!
Mad King Thorn: At the Durmand Priory, what is an asura's best friend? A bookah.
Mad King Thorn: Sylvari are certainly naïve. They'll be-LEAF anything they hear! (laugh)
Mad King Thorn: I fought an asura warrior the other day, and my shins are KILLING me! (laugh)
Mad King Thorn: I was confused when a servant informed me of the dredge revolt in the Shiverpeaks. As far as I'm aware, dredge have always been revolting! Get it? Ugly bugly! Hoo! (laugh) They're ugly.
Mad King Thorn: The other night, a charr warrior told me everything he knew. It took about ten seconds.
Mad King Thorn: What do you say when an asura praises you? No one knows yet. (chuckle) Right?
Mad King Thorn: What do you call a sylvari who's round and green? MELON-y! You know, like the name, but also the fruit? Why aren't you all laughing? The, the melon, Melony...Laugh! Or I'll kill every last one of you humorless worms!
Mad King Thorn: What's the fastest way to anger a norn? Tell her you've never heard of her. Ahh, it's funny because it's true. (laugh)
Mad King Thorn: Why can't you borrow money from a dwarf? Because they're always a little short. Ha! Get it? Ha ha! Ah, yes, I miss dwarves.
Mad King Thorn: Two quaggans were walking in a cow pasture. The first turns to the second and says, "Foo." The other replies, "Cows say moo." The first looks down at his flippers and says, "No, foo. Poo." (snicker)
Mad King Thorn: I wanted a sylvari court musician for a while, but I gave up on the idea. I'm told their music is too SAP-py! It's really wasted on you.
Mad King Thorn: I hear—oh, this is a good one—I hear the mortality rate for hylek is very high. They croak every night! (laugh)
Mad King Thorn: Were you aware that grawl have engineers? It's true. I hear one of them invented a new gadget called a "stick."
Mad King Thorn: I'm so disappointed that the dwarves have disappeared. I had so many good jokes about short things. And beards.
Mad King Thorn: I paid a visit to Ascalon before coming here, and I'm not judging—but did shaving go out of style or what?

Randomly after a joke or when a trick Haunted Door is used:

Mad King Thorn: (laugh)
Mad King Thorn: (cackling)

When finished:

Mad King Thorn: That's enough treats! Time for some tricks.