Mad King Thorn/dialogue
Historical dialogue for Mad King Thorn can be found here.
In Lion's Arch
- During 2012-2014
After Mad King Says... event, Thorn walked around the Grand Piazza and the Trader's Forum telling the following jokes in a random order:
- Mad King Thorn: Here's a funny story. Recently, one of my vassals said to me, "Your Majesty! I can't feel my legs!" And I replied, "Of course, you can't, stubby. I cut your arms off!" And I had! (laugh)
- Mad King Thorn: What's a norn's favorite drink? The next one! (laugh) They're all drunk.
- Mad King Thorn: It seems the sylvari are here to stay. As no one has nipped them in the BUD, I must assume they're all of good STALK. Maybe they'll GROW on me. (laugh) Plant puns, people, please!
- Mad King Thorn: At the Durmand Priory, what is an asura's best friend? A bookah.
- Mad King Thorn: Sylvari are certainly naïve. They'll be-LEAF anything they hear! (laugh)
- Mad King Thorn: I fought an asura warrior the other day, and my shins are KILLING me! (laugh)
- Mad King Thorn: I was confused when a servant informed me of the dredge revolt in the Shiverpeaks. As far as I'm aware, dredge have always been revolting! Get it? Ugly bugly! Hoo! (laugh) They're ugly.
- Mad King Thorn: The other night, a charr warrior told me everything he knew. It took about ten seconds.
- Mad King Thorn: What do you say when an asura praises you? No one knows yet. (chuckle) Right?
- Mad King Thorn: What do you call a sylvari who's round and green? MELON-y! You know, like the name, but also the fruit? Why aren't you all laughing? The, the melon, Melony...Laugh! Or I'll kill every last one of you humorless worms!
- Mad King Thorn: What's the fastest way to anger a norn? Tell her you've never heard of her. Ahh, it's funny because it's true. (laugh)
- Mad King Thorn: Why can't you borrow money from a dwarf? Because they're always a little short. Ha! Get it? Ha ha! Ah, yes, I miss dwarves.
- Mad King Thorn: Two quaggans were walking in a cow pasture. The first turns to the second and says, "Foo." The other replies, "Cows say moo." The first looks down at his flippers and says, "No, foo. Poo." (snicker)
- Mad King Thorn: I wanted a sylvari court musician for a while, but I gave up on the idea. I'm told their music is too SAP-py! It's really wasted on you.
- Mad King Thorn: I hear—oh, this is a good one—I hear the mortality rate for hylek is very high. They croak every night! (laugh)
- Mad King Thorn: Were you aware that grawl have engineers? It's true. I hear one of them invented a new gadget called a "stick."
- Mad King Thorn: I'm so disappointed that the dwarves have disappeared. I had so many good jokes about short things. And beards.
- Mad King Thorn: I paid a visit to Ascalon before coming here, and I'm not judging—but did shaving go out of style or what?
Randomly after a joke or when a trick Haunted Door is used:
- Mad King Thorn: (laugh)
- Mad King Thorn: (cackling)
- Mad King Thorn: That's enough treats! Time for some tricks.